Laneway Acts- The Youtube Way

As I’m ever gracious (and kinda lazy), I’ve decided to do a blog post consisting of videos of the bands I saw at Laneway on Monday. So, without any further ado, here they are!

Street Chant

The Naked and Famous

Surf City

The Phoenix Foundation

The XX

I didn’t enjoy Cut Off Your Hands enough to subject you to them

The Dirty Three

Echo and the Bunnymen

Florence and the Machine

There you go! Feel free to watch them all, feel free to watch none (Although I highly recommend watching The Dirty Three and Florence). Now, I need to get back to playing ME2. And I also need to write a CV.

Laneway Festival

I spent most of today standing in the same spot, sometimes getting rained on, other times getting jostled by people, and other times having my eardrums attacked by walls of noise. It was the best day I’ve had in quite some time.

Today, I attended the Laneway Festival, with my good buddy Matt.

We lined up at about 11.30. We were near the front of the line, so all was well. The gates were due to open at 12.00. Sadly, they were a little late, but what can you do? It rained a bit, but we dealt with it. After about 45 minutes of waiting, we were finally let in. My bag was searched, and, as nothing was found to be untoward, I was let in. I gave my ticket to one of the attendants, and was given, in turn, a wristband.

Now being allowed in, Matt made a beeline for the merchandise tent. I followed, although I didn’t expect to get anything. My expectations were blown, however, when I bought myself a spiffy new hat. After we had been relieved of our money, we headed over to the Tyler Street stage, where we decided to stay for the rest of the day. We got a front row spot, right on the security barrier, about 3 meters away from the stage. Brilliant spot, and so we stood there for the next 10 1/2 hours. And now we’ve had the setup, on to the bands!

Street Chant

Street Chant were the first band on. It’s got to be tough, being the first band, but they kicked ass. A very grungy and aggressive sound, quite an intense performance. I think they had a few tech issues, but that hardly mattered. The singer/guitarist had a good stage presence, the bassist had talent, and the drummer was good. A great way to start the day, and I’ll be following them in the future. I intend to get their first album, when they end up releasing it.

The Naked and Famous

I’d heard of them before going in, and had heard one song of theirs, although I couldn’t remember what it was, what it sounded like, or if I liked it. So, I was basically flying blind. But they were really good. Quite synth-y, but in a good way. The lead singer had a few issues, as she was wearing a fairly short dress, and it was quite windy, but aside from that, it was a great performance. I enjoyed them a lot.

Surf City

Yeah, they weren’t bad. A surfy sound, as the name suggests. I don’t really remember the performance too well, as it didn’t make a big impression on me, but I did enjoy it.

The Phoenix Foundation

They were brilliant! Really funny guys (“There’s nothing worth saying that can’t be said with slap bass”), with the lead singer wearing a very large cape for most of the set. Having played guitar in a cape, I can tell you it’s not easy. They had some great songs, and I’m going to make sure I get their new album (which is ““due to be done in one week…or we’re fucked”, apparently. So that should be out soon). Today’s show was the last time their bassist is going to play with them, as he’s moving on, so I feel like I was part of history.

The XX

Now, you may recall I quite like The XX. They drew a really large crowd, too, so I’m not the only one who likes them. They were pretty good live. Quite what I expected. I think I might prefer their studio work to them live, but it was still good. I enjoyed the show. I know Matt didn’t like them too much, though. But I did. They seemed like really nice people, too.

Cut Off Your Hands

The one band I saw that I didn’t enjoy. They were basically a cut down, crappy version of The Cure. Too loud, and went on for too long. It also resulted in Matt and I being shuffled aside, so we lost our excellent place, and had to settle with merely a very, very good one. Hmph. But they were over soon enough. And who were on after them?

The Dirty Three

The Dirty Three were definitely the best band I saw play (However, that is an accolade they must share). Warren Ellis came on stage, his magnificent beard granting him all his powers. He told a joke during the sound check (the ever amusing one about a horse walking into a bar), unlike the other bands, who just did the boring, regular sound check type stuff (I have to say, I got incredibly bored with sound checks. I saw far too many of them over the course of the day). Anyway, after the sound check, they got started. They were fucking fantastic. Warren Ellis is an amazing violinist, and has rather epic dance moves (and an insanely awesome beard. Seriously. It’s brilliant. Go find a photo of it. In fact, HERE’S ONE. I suspect it’s achieved sentience.) He was a brilliant performer. He had presence. At one point, he was standing  on a stack (directly in front of me and Matt), with his crotch thrust out at the audience. At another point, he started dancing like a pop princess. He was amazing. The guitarist was fantastic, and the drummer was insanely good. They get the number one spot of the entire festival (although, as I say, they share it).

Echo and The Bunnymen

Now, I’d not heard much of Echo and The Bunnymen. I knew they were fairly popular, and a lot of people were going to Laneway to see them in particular (including the nice gentleman who I was standing next to for quite some time), but I didn’t know what to expect. They were excellent, though. I’d rank them just below the Phoenix Foundation, as far as my list of personal enjoyment goes (I’ll include this list at the end of the post). They had an excellent stage show, with lots of smoke and flashing lights. Was a heck of a lot of fun to watch, and to listen to. I’m going to track down a couple of their albums, I think.

Florence and the Machine.

Finally, the time arrived. Florence and the Machine were about to play. The stage was set up, with an  incredibly large drum kit, and a harp, and all manner of other things. Out comes The Machine. Everyone cheers loudly, and vigourously. Then out comes Florence. Everyone goes crazy. Florence and the Machine were fucking incredible. They were the best (along with the Dirty Three). Florence was funny, charming, and talented. The Machine were excellent musicians. I was blown away. I love Florence and The Machine’s studio album, and they’re just as brilliant live. I’m not being too eloquent here, am I? My mind is still blown from how amazing she was. During nearly every song, she went nuts. Jumping around, dancing crazily, screaming (in her melodic manner). She stood, at one point, on the same stack that Warren Ellis did. That’s right. I was two meters away from her. I feel so proud. It was an amazing gig, and I am certainly going to go see them again, next time they come to NZ (and they promised they’d come back).

So, all in all, I had an amazing time at Laneway. It was worth every cent I paid for the ticket. The Dirty Three and Florence both surpassed David Byrne in standings for my all time favourite gigs. It’s a fantastic festival, and I’m looking forward to it’s future.

Oh yes, I promised a ranking, didn’t I? Ok.

1. TIE: The Dirty Three + Florence and the Machine
2. The Phoenix Foundation
3. Echo and the Bunnymen
4. The Naked and Famous
5. Street Chant
6. The xx
7. Surf City
8. Cut Off Your Hands

There you go. Hope you enjoyed my little review.

A Classics Essay

I got my NCEA papers back the other day. And since I’m a boring person, I’m going to type up the essay I wrote for my Classical Studies exam. Enjoy…. or not.

Following the assassination of his great-uncle and adoptive father, Gaius Julius Caesar, Augustus (known at that time as Gaius Iulius Caesar Octavianus) rose to power rapidly, eventually becoming First Citizen and Emperor of the Roman Empire. Many romans saw him, as Scullard puts it, as “their new saviour”. He was seen as such for many reasons, and was showered with priesthoods, honours and triumphs to show his superiority to normal humans.

For over a decade after the death of Julius Caesar, Rome was in a state of civil war and strife. Jealous of Octavian’s inheritance from Caesar, which included being made his heir and being given three quarters of his land, Mark Antony seized several provinces and, unconstitutionally, demanded Cisalpine Gaul. The Senate disapproved of this. After condemning Antony in a series of speeches known as ‘The Phillipics’, Senator and lawyer Marcus Tuillius Cicero convinced the rest of the senate to send Octavian, who had raised a private army, to defeat him. Accompanying Octavian were the two consuls, Hirtius and Pansa. In a campaign at Mutina in 44 AD, Octavian defeated Antony and was seen to be defending the Republic.

Several years later, from 38-36 BC, Octavian fought another war, this time against staunch Republican Sextus Pompey, who had seized Sicily, and was disrupting the supply of grain to Rome. Pompey was supported by Republicans who had fled Rome to escape the Proscriptions, with which the Triumvirate of Octavian, Antony and Lepidus had killed and taken the land of 300 Senators and 2000 Knights, including Antony’s old  enemy Cicero. As a result of this support, Pompey had over 100 ships. However, with the aid of his friend and ally, the great general Marcus Agrippa, Octavian defeated Pompey, claiming in his Res Gestae to have “ended piracy and restored the grain supply to Rome”. He also claimed to have bought an end to the civil war.

To keep this claim true, Octavian was unable to declare war on Antony, after their Triumvirate ended. However, Antony had married Cleopatra, the Egyptian Queen, and begun bequeathing gifts to her and their children, as well as proclaiming Caesarion, son of Julius Caesar and Cleoptra, Caesar’s true heir. So in order to solidify his power, Octavian declared war on Egypt. He defeated them in a sea battle at Actium, off the Greek peninsula, in 31 BC. Shortly thereafter, Antony and Cleopatra both committed suicide.

After this victory, Octavian declared Rome to be at peace, and closed the gates of the Temple of Janus, to symbolise this, something which hadn’t been done in over 200 years. Through this bringing about if peace, Octavian became a hero. He had a Triumph which lasted three days, the 14th, 15th and 16th of August (then known as Sextilius) where he gave out gifts and money, further endearing him to the populace. He was granted honours and titles, and was given the name Augustus.

After this, he set out on a campaign of civic beautification. According to his Res Gestae, he “found Rome clad in brick, and left it in marble.” He also built many temples, including one to Jupiter Tonans (The Thunderer) and one to Apollo. He saw Apollo as his patron God, and he built the temple near his home on the Palatine Hill. He was convinced of this patronage after he narrowly survived a lightning strike while in Spain (Suetonius tells us that he also carried a strip of dried seal skin to further protect himself from lightning), and had a statue made of Apollo bearing his own features. This campaign of improvement caused his popularity to grow even greater, and for him to further be seen as a saviour.

Augustus was a great  believer in Roman Tradition. To this end, he reinstated many traditional ceremonies. When he declared war on Egypt, prior to his defeat of Antony, he carried out the ceremony of the Fetialies, so his war would be seen as favoured by the Gods. Later on, he bought back traditions such as the Secular Games, the Lupercalia and games to honour Apollo, held in Rome every five years. His reinstating of Roman Traditions also meant the enforcement of traditional Roman morals. Laws were passed penalising bachelors over a certain age. Augustus was always (or, at least, always appeared to be) faithful to his wife, Livia Drusilla. He was frugal, dressing modestly and eating in moderation (although Suetonius states that he did, on occasion, indulge himself ins Asparagus, his particular favourite food). This adherence to tradition made him appear near divine to the people of Rome.

In order to show his nigh-divinity, he was bestowed many priesthoods and honours. After the deification of his adopted father, Julius Caesar, he was given the title of Divi Filius, or Son of a God. With the death of Amelius Lepidus, he became Pontifex Maximus, the high priest of Rome. He was given Tribunician powers, which made him Sacrosanct within the city, as well as bringing him more popularity amongst the plebeians. The Senate voted to build him the Altar of Augustan Peace, or Ara Pacis, on the Campus Martius. The Ara Pacis was rich in symbols and Roman art, and was a great honour. The month of Sextilius was renamed August. All of these indoctrinated the belief that he was more than a mere human, and was near to divinity.

However, he was not viewed as a saviour by all, far from it. His main opponents and detractors were, unsurprisingly, the remaining Republicans. Despite claiming to have “transferred the Republic from [his] power to the Senate and people of Rome” in his Res Gestae, he was the sole power in Rome. In the proscriptions, the war against Sextus Pompey and the Battle of Philippi, Augustus had killed many of the most staunch Republicans, including Brutus and Cassius, Caesar’s assassins. Despite this, there were still Republicans in Rome. There was even a failed conspiracy against Augustus.

Republicans were not the only ones who may not have considered him a saviour. When he was solidifying his base of support, he siezed the lands of many farmers to provide rewards and incentives to his soldiers. This caused much resentment and anger. On the opposite end of the social hierarchy, ambition men who wished to gain power resented Augustus, as he had all the power, so they had no hope of gaining any.

Despite the dissenters and detractors, though, Augustus was incredibly popular. He had bought peace to the empire, ushering in the Pax Romana. He made Rome beautiful and made Rome pious. He was truly it’s saviour.

An Important PSA

You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Thanks to The Dubious Jay (Also know as Jaydub) for warning the public of this important fact.

Seven (Sometimes) Little-Known Facts about the Common or Garden Dave

A few of my (Very Awesome) friends on LiveJournal have been doing a post where they post seven ‘habits/quirks/facts’ about themselves. And since I’m, in essence, a creature of magnificent unoriginality, I’m going to do it too. So, here we go.

1. I dislike throwing things away. Notes, cards, tickets, bank statements, packaging, old toys, all sorts of things. I often try to stash things, because you never know when they may come in handy. As a consequence of this, however, my room tends to often overflow with stuff, and so I’m forced to throw things away. Which always makes me feel vaguely uncomfortable.
2. I never feel right trying to state what my favourite food is. I love so much food. If pushed, I’d probably say Italian, which is sort of a weasel answer, as it encompasses Pasta, Pizza and Gelato, amongst other things, but this is my blog, so I can say what I like.
3. I have a very strange memory. It can recall minor trivia that I read years ago, but I have trouble remembering what I had for dinner last night (I think it was Quiche, although that could have been the night before). This really isn’t very useful, as it makes studying difficult, and I suspect it means that I try and have the same conversation with people multiple times.
4. Similar to Fact 2, I never really feel right trying to say what my favourite book is. I have very many favourite books, and refuse to try and pin it down.
5. However, I have no trouble telling you who my favourite Musician is (Nick Cave). However, second favourite down? Then we hit trouble. It’s liable to change, depending on what I’m listening to at the time. This indecisiveness is also present when trying to decide which Nick Cave album is my favourite (The answer is usually ‘The One I’m Listening To Now’)
6. I once worked at a Cattery. This may not have been a great idea, due to a slight allergy to cats, but I love cats, so I enjoyed the work, mostly. The boss may have been a scum-sucking Troll, but the Cats were nice.
7. I can’t think of a Seventh Fact Ok, that would’ve been a cop out. I’ll think of one. Gimme a moment. Ok!
   I really love living in New Zealand. Sure, the internet may be crap, and things may not get released here for far too long after they’ve come out over-seas, but it’s just an awesome country. This really hit me when I got back from the United States. I liked America, but it wasn’t home. I could even see myself living there one day, maybe, but it would never be Home. NZ is, and always will be.

Bests of ‘09

Yes, yes, yes, it’s kind of late, I know. Bah humbug. I can still do this anyway. It’s only going to be the best films and best albums of the year, because I’m not sue how many books I’ve read that came out last year. So, without further ado, let’s see what I thought were the two best albums and the two best films of ‘09.

Best Album

Well, in my opinion (Which is all this really is, so there was probably not a pressing need to begin with that), the best album of 2009 was ‘Lungs’ by Florence + the Machine. Florence Welch, the lead singer, has a fantastic voice, and, bith lyrically and musically, the album is excellent. I’m lucky enough to be seeing them play in little over a week, and I can’t wait.

Runner Up

My second favourite album of 2009 is ‘xx’, by London based quartet (well, quartet when they recorded the album. They’re now a trio) The xx. I discovered The xx when I was looking around Youtube at the lineup for the Laneway festival, so I could find out what else I could expect to be experiencing at the show. And I’m very glad that I found them. Quite relaxed sounding, calming type music. I really like them, and am looking forward to seeing them.

Best Film

Now, this was a tough choice. I have my number two film picked out already, but it’s a tough choice for Number One. I’m sure you can all guess what it isn’t, though. But anyway. I had to choose between District 9 and Inglourious Basterds. In the end, I chose District 9, as I enjoyed it just that little bit more than ‘Basterds’. It was close though. Anyway, District 9 is the best Science Fiction film I’ve seen in a long time, and possibly the best one I’ve ever seen. The plot was good, the special effects were amazing (especially for the budget they were done on) and it was just an all ’round incredible film. It’s kind of like the Anti-Avatar, if you think about it. Both are Sci-Fi films, both have excellent special effects, but where Avatar is all Sparkle!Clean and Happy!Movie, D9 is realistic, gritty and has a storyline which I didn’t see coming from the first trailer.

Runner Up

Despite Inglourious Basterds coming so close to the Number One spot, it gets bumped back down to Number Three. Why? Because of ‘Up’. Up is amazing. It’s one of my very favourite Pixar films. I loved it. It was hilarious, it was sad, it was brilliant. It’s one of the highest rated Animated Films in my personal top 20. If you haven’t seen it yet, See. It. You won’t be disappointed. Well, you might be. But if you don’t like it, you have no heart.

Distracted

I’m distracted today. I’ve got a few Nick Cave bootlegs, and so am listening to them instead of blogging.

Today, however, is kinda an important day. It’s my good buddy Matt’s Birthday. So, everyone, think Birthday-ish type thoughts at him. Happy Birthday Mate. Hope it’s a good one.

But anyway. Back to Nick Cave.

Avatar: Messiah

Just to start out, the title is another Dune reference. There’s nothing actually called ‘Avatar: Messiah’ (as far as I know).

Although it does seem strangely appropriate. Because that’s how some people are treating Avatar.

I went to check my blog stats the other day, and I saw that there was an incoming link from an Avatar Fansite. So I followed it, to see who had linked my blog, and in what context. What I saw at that site amazed and amused me. The thread in which my review had been posted was titled “Why some people didn’t experience Avatar the way we did”. It contains such gems as

“I think people don’t know how to judge what is a good movie. “

“because their closed minded !!”

“I think it’s just the fact that some people are so blunted by the society and it’s artificiality that they simply can’t draw parallels just as the movie avatar does and that they lost the ability to analyze things or simply aren’t aware of things happening around them , they aren’t able to ask questions anymore , they are probably caught in their own world of illusions which keep them away from reality”

“So I would classify trolls and critics as victims of an unsustainable, dehumanizing system.”

“those who dont like AVATAR are either offended by epic fantasy; didnt get it or hate the messages that are front and centre: pro-green, anti-imperialism(=anti-theft)”

To which I have to say… uh, what?

No, I believe that people didn’t like Avatar for all sorts of other reasons.  My reasons for not worshiping it are simple, and were detailed in the review (reasons which would appear to have been conveniently ignored):

• The Boring Characters
• The Cliched and Predictable Story
• The decidedly Average Script
• The Uninspiring Acting

So, now I must examine the few responses to that thread which I have included in this post, because it’s only polite.

1. I believe I do know how to judge what is a good movie. I’ve seen quite a few movies. I count myself as a fan of many. I have written reviews for some, too. I’ve also been involved in some amateur film making. I think this gives me enough qualifications to make up my own damned mind about what is a good film and what isn’t.

2. Closed Minded, huh? Well, there’s really no argument one can have against being called closed minded. Although, is it possible that the person who posted this is closed minded, as he refuses to believe that anyone who came out of Avatar not having to change their pants could possibly know what they were on about? Hmm? And anyone who fails at basic English really has absolutely no right to lecture anyone. This is the internet, have some standards.

3. Now, this answer, I can respect. I mean, it’s still pretty batshit, but at least it’s moderately well written. So, to the addressing. If we don’t like Avatar, we are blunted by society, and can’t draw parallels? This is ridiculous. Yes, I can see the parallels between Avatar and our world. I can also see the parallels between Narnia and the Bible. That is to say, I can understand English, because if you fail to see that these are blatantly obvious allegory, you need to get out more. If we don’t like it, we’ve lost the ability to analyze things? Err, ok. Y’know, I like to think that my analysis skills aren’t actually too bad. But hey, one can’t prove a negative. But I’ll remind you all of essays I’ve written in the past that are on this blog, and let you decide that. Ok, I can’t address the rest of this quote. I just can’t. It hurts. Just… just look at it. How does this person dress themselves in the morning? They think that these are valid reasons for someone not enjoying a fucking movie. I’m honestly perplexed as to what would lead to such a blind faith in a mediocre work of fiction.

4. This quote is taken from a post about the greyness of today’s society, and how living as a Na’vi would be much better, that it’s the only way to achieve true freedom. Um… what? If you want to go live in a jungle, wearing only a loincloth and living off what you can kill, feel free. I’d wager that if the Avatar Worshipers tried this, they’d end up freezing to death, starving to death, or being mauled to death by an angry Jungle-dweller. Yes, it’s an admirable goal, to return to one’s roots, but if you believe that freedom is unattainable unless you’re wiping your ass with a leaf and trying to use an angry weasel as a blanket, you need to wake up.

5. This is quite possibly my favourite quote. I mean, look at it. Just look at it. Ignore the monkey-like grammar and punctuation. It’s beautiful, in it’s mouth-frothing insanity. Offended by epic fantasy? Excuse me, I need to check my bookshelf. Hmm. It would appear one of my bookshelf’s (quite possibly many) goals is to offend me. Didn’t get it? Oh. Yes, that explains it all. I just didn’t get the movie and it’s messages. I am now enlightened. Oh, please. I ‘didn’t get it’? Grow up. Don’t like the messages? That’s patently ridiculous. Now, I must be off, I have to burn forests, salt the earth and subjugate natives.

But first, I should probably wrap up this post. People, you are allowed to enjoy a film. That’s what it’s there for. Hell, if it inspires you to be more environment-conscious and treat people better, Huzzah! It’s worth celebrating. But if someone doesn’t like it, they should be allowed to think what they want, just as you’re allowed to like it. You shouldn’t try to open their eyes. You should just enjoy the movie. What other people think doesn’t affect you (Yes, I do realize the hypocrisy in this statement, but I’m allowed to contradict myself. I’m a blogger), so just be glad that the film affects you so much, rather than worrying about ‘opening the eyes’ of people who don’t like it the way you do.

1st Anniversary!

Today is a very special day. It was exactly one year ago that I decided to start this blog.

Wow. It hardly seems like a year. Except it does. Time’s strange like that.

It’s been an interesting year. It’s had a lot of ups and downs (and twists and turns and ins and outs and double-half-pike-with-a-mid-air-somersaults).  I was thinking of what I could possibly do to celebrate it, and I still am. So, while I think, I’ll share a few statistics with you.

There have been

• 380 Posts
• 726 different tags
• 21 different categories
• 1,473 comments
• 664 Spam Messages (promptly deleted)

The busiest day was December 14, when I had 433 views.

My most popular article is David’s Guide to Reading Twilight.

And while I was distracting you from lack of content using statistics (hmm, maybe I should be a journalist), I decided what I’d write about next.

NCEA.

It was quite a large part of last year, really. Any time I mentioned schoolwork, it was either directly contributing to my NCEA credits, or was building up towards the external exams at the end of the year.  Yesterday, I got my results. And I passed! Woo! Got into the course I wanted to get into at University, too.

I even managed to get an Excellence grade in one Classical Studies paper, which I was quite pleased with.

I got 76 credits. That’s not really a lot, to be honest, but it’s a pass, and that’s what matters. For various reasons, I mostly failed 2 of my subjects, so I lost out on a few credits there. But I got the credits I needed. And I got the Points I needed to get into my course at University, so all is well.

And what can we expect from the Ramblings this year?

Larping!

University!

Ranting!

Raving!

Reviews!

Music!

And my unique brand of saying absolutely nothing, and taking a couple of hundred words to do it, that we all know and love.

So, thanks for reading everyone. If you’ve been here from the beginning, Extra Thanks. Here’s hoping you’re all gonna stay for the rest of the ride.

Fisher Price’s My First Muad’Dib- An Avatar Review

Tonight, I surrendered part of my soul to the pressures of the Media. I gave up my individuality. I saw Avatar. The 3D showing had all sold out, so I only saw it in regular old 2D, but I really doubt that changed a hell of a lot about how much I would have enjoyed it. I mean, what’s an extra dimension between friends?

So, what did I think? Was it, as some would have me think, the greatest film since Sliced Bread (which, I’m lead to believe, won 14 Oscars and the eternal praise of critics worldwide)? Was it a triumph of film making? Was it, in essence, good?

Yeah, it wasn’t bad. Wasn’t great, wouldn’t see it again, but it wasn’t bad.

The CGI was top notch. Amazing. Mind-blowing. It really has set a new benchmark. I hear the Forever War movie is going to use similar technology. If this is true, I wouldn’t be surprised if the film did the book justice. But we aren’t here to talk about the Forever War. We’re here to talk about Avatar. So, let’s get into it, shall we?

I decided to start with talking about the CGI, because that’s the selling point of the film. If it hadn’t had such amazing technology, no one would be praising it to the high heavens, such as they are now. Because the storyline was, well, let’s be blunt here, kinda crap. Derivative, cliched, predictable. Nothing in it surprised me. There were no twists, no surprises. Now, a film doesn’t have to have a massive Shymalan-style twist to be good, obviously, but if it doesn’t surprise me in any way, I probably won’t enjoy it as much as I could. I’m going to come back to the storyline (and address why I chose the title I did for this review) later on. But, for now, onto the characters.

The characters are, for the most part, really kinda boring. There’s the Space Marine with a heart of gold, there’s the Gruff Scientist, the Nervous-lookin’ Nerd, the Hot Amazon, the Proud Warriors and the Mystic Woman. Now, there’s nothing wrong with Archetypes, but they do need to have something to make them stand out a bit more. Huh. Just realized that I essentially wrote the same thing for character as I did for plot. What does that tell you?

Now, I did say ‘for the most part’. There was one character who I liked a lot. The bad guy. Funny that. He just seemed like he was doing his job. He came off as caring about his troops, and he was, let’s face it, an utter badass. Dude gets shit done. While on fire. In some ways, he reminded me of a slightly more sane Colonel Kilgore.  He seemed like he was a good guy, just… one who’d been screwed over by wars and Life in general.

Now, back to the storyline.

Take Pocahontas. Mix in a chunk of stripped down, far less pessimistic, Dune. Sprinkle with Smurfs, Steroids and Apocalypse Now. Seriously. OK, spoilers for a moment. I’ll put it in big, colourful letters when you can look again if you don’t want to be spoiled. It also contains spoilers for Dune. Right. New paragraph for spoilers in

3…

2…

1…

Well, I could attempt to explain the similarities between Avatar and Pocahontas, but there’s a picture that’s been doing the rounds on the Intertrons which does it so much better than I ever could. So, here’s a link to that picture.

Now on to Dune. Ok.  So, you’ve got an extremely hostile planet which is the only known location of an incredibly rare substance. Someone goes native, and learns from a local girl, who he then falls in love with. He has to ride a giant creature to show that he’s now a man. Unites the clans and leads them in battle to challenge the culture he was once part of. Avatar? Nope, Dune.

Of course, it’s a far happier story than Dune is, Dune for Babies, if you will, but still. Originality? What?

SPOILERS OVER NOW

The acting was… acceptable. Nothing stood out to me as great acting. The script (dialog-wise) was… acceptable. Nothing stood out to me as great writing. The music was… acceptable. Pretty generic Native Music and pretty generic BadGuy Music, depending on whether the movie wanted you to like who was on screen or not. The Moral of the story was a good one  (Don’t screw the environment over), but it was delivered with all the subtlety of a jackhammer to the kneecap. The battle scenes, however, were excellent. Epic, Explosive and Enjoyable. James Cameron may not do subtlety well, but he sure as hell knows how to make a kick-ass-awesome Sci-Fi battle.

So it’s not to say I didn’t like the movie. I did. I enjoyed it. But I wouldn’t go and watch it again. It’s not so much that the bad outweighed the good. It’s more that the bland outweighed the extraordinary. The technology was brilliant, and I hope that it’s a mark of things to come in the future, but the film just wasn’t that good. So, to put a numerical value on it, I’ll give it a 6/10. Not crap, but not the Second Coming, either. Go see it. But don’t expect it to change your life.